Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Test

This is the continuation of my previous blog. I wake up everyday to Josh Wilson's song "Before the Morning." It reminds me that it's darkest before the sun comes up in your horizon. Misery drapes my morning sun at times. Healing and acceptance is among the sun's rays and I need them. Life's  disappointments big or small can take you to misery or lalaland. You choose. I was stuck in my own deeply dug misery some three years back wasn't pretty. It was tragic. My closest friends cannot fathom how I allowed myself to keep still in my little rut and not finding ways to get out. I am built stronger than that, they say. I am highly capable- ligaments and extremities still attached, a good head on my shoulder, and a strong support system.

Holding on to the past will not do you good. It robs the present of it's joy and amazement. I have to remind myself that I  will not let it happen to me yet again. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and the pain is still here. What we do with the pain is what's gonna dictate how things will unravel to us. How I can write about all this positivism and "looking forward knowing that something wonderful will happen around the corner" when I am feeling soooo loooooow? I have no idea. When something bad happens or when something pops out on Facebook or Instagram that's gonna rock your psyche and cause whirlpools in your sea of serenity how can one just disassociate themselves from their feelings from the situation and be able to immediately think objectively upon impact? My darling best friends have that uncanny ability. As for me, the very first thing I said is: "Lord, give me strength to overcome this." I am weak like that. I cling to God because right now there is nothing better than Him and His love for me. I cry. Don't get me wrong. I cry and when I do it's all sobs as I tell him that: "Lord, it really hurts. Oftentimes, I feel like giving up." There is this wonderful quote I use as a reminder:




Yes, God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers. God has this complete faith and confidence on us. I am astounded by this! I am human why is He amazed with what I can do? I am limited, Big Guy. But God is like your own dad. He will always be confident on us. He trusts us. Human as we are, we become frail in fighting our battles. Questioning God is my infamous act of frailty. I ask Him why I have to undergo such heartache, such pain when I have given all I've got to my significant other? Why does it have to be me whose boyfriends leave me for someone else? Why do you have to let those people leave me when you gave to them to me in the first place? Questions. As I went on with my questions my friend, Astrid, she said: "Mia, stop asking. Don't question God anymore. What happens happens. That's it. He knows what he's doing."  Her words silenced my mouth and my heart.

Faith is the answer. When you give to God your complete trust and when you become totally dependent on His Grace - you'll get by. I don't know exactly how I can be okay but I do get by. Starting the day with yesterday's broken pieces cannot contribute anything good to my being and it threatens the possibility of having a beautiful future. I have to admit, though, that anger sprouts out at times. Through all of the hurt God sends angels in the form of my friends and my staff. When I got to talk it over with my friends and my staff (who have become family to me) I get back to exactly where you left off- you're somewhere better. Where bitterness becomes a tool for gracious forgiveness. Where hurt becomes a lesson. Where fears disappear. Where worries cannot touch you because you have God on your side because he loves you immensely. Where you now know that God is Love. I am grateful to be reminded by all these at this dark hour of my life.

Last Sunday's homily focused God's test. The priest said: "when you are ready, you will be tested." In His time we will see if we passed or failed. Well, we would know if we did a good job in passing his tests. Like a student having an inkling if we passed or if we'll get an F. As I take His test, I'll fight the good fight of faith. Press on, soldier! Press on!


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Sunrise Over The Horizon

It has been ages since I've written a blog and it feels kinda weird looking at your old self. I started this blog to catch a dream- a dream of flying. Some three to four years ago I clearly wanted to become a Flight Attendant. A friend of mine was with Qatar Airways and I so wanted to get in. When you're young you basically think about traveling around the world and having lots of money to buy the things you were mentally coveting for eons. That was me. Until I got a job that made me travel and gave me money that made me shop for what I wanted and needed. Life clearly hasn't dawned in on me. I got everything I ever wanted. A loving boyfriend and a career. I used to think I did have swag. Was there something more to life than that? I didn't care. I was too contented with the earthly things I do and possess. I was too naive.

In one my blogs I mentioned being in a long distance relationship for a time. I was hopeful that he and I are going to make it. Such was my belief on how strong our love was for each other that it can cover up the distance and the space between. In so many levels I was wrong. Things never go as planned or as what you've always hoped for no matter how hard you worked hard for it. The breakup caused an earthquake on my being sending tsunamis on my other life beliefs. And it caused my writer's block.

The breakup spurred anger in me and sent me back to the One Being responsible for all of these. God. I was knocking on heaven's door for answers. Everything was so surreal to me - the pain, the loss, the shattered dreams, the questions. When you experience loss you can never imagine how you can wake up from it or even think about your recovery. Questioning God was really stupid but I did. I had the nerve to do that to Him.

Kneeling in front of the altar at home was an angry, stubborn girl with swollen eyes. I was tired but I just had an appointment with the Big Guy.

"Why? He's the one I asked from you for 21 long years. He's my One True Love. Is this a test?"

All I heard was heaven's crickets chirping with their business. I was inconsolable. The hopeless romantic that I am I always loved the idea of Love and it's amassing awesomeness. Like it was cure to cancer or AIDS. I am not the kind of person who'd give up easily. My wounds, therefore, have not healed with time. The memories are incredibly tricky. But I allowed them to suck the present with all it's joys and opportunities because I was too busy looking behind. I wasted two good years on someone who never came back. I did get to be see him again. And there I got my answer: "He was the one I did ask from God for 21 years. Someone smart, funny, who has clear life goals. Someone who's gonna be a good father. Someone who'll love me til the end of time. Yes, he is that man until now. But he was just not the man I was meant to be with."

So why the hell did I go through that long indignation? Simple. I was too stubborn to see His plans for me. I was too myopic with my plans that I did not include Him in mine. The Big Guy did stay true to his promise for me. Rodean is still that man I mentioned. Rodean is smart, funny and  has clear life goals. He is a good father to his baby, Yzza, who is now 5 months old. And someone who'll love me til the end of time? Yes. He still does love me. He is a faithful husband. But yes, I believe that when you love someone that love just doesn't wane. It just transforms into something else along the way. That's what happened to our love. And it's something we both have accepted. God gave him to me at the right time though we never ended up together we're both glad that at some point in this vast planet with a human population of 6 billion you found someone who made time stop the day that you met. Memories they may be now but wonderful all the same.

Despite having moved on and let go I still had my writer's block. I have no idea why. But it was still there. I couldn't start something that made sense to me. I let it go reasoning with myself that I might just be busy with work and with my new relationship. After having finally let go of Rodean I started seeing someone. He was a friend of mine and the rest is history. I was happier with Tad. We've lived together for a while. But after 10 months that happy relationship turned into something different. I wonder how it ended up like it did. From telling his friends "She's everything I've ever wanted" to "She's just not it." Messy as it was I had to accept that it was just not meant to be. No matter how much we tried. It's always hard when someone gives up on you and on your relationship when you've given it your all to make it work. Acceptance is such a big pill but for you to be better you gotta take it in. I went through the notions. And I am glad that I have a very cooperative, decent ex boyfriend. The breakup is quite recent, I must say. Taking the whole Acceptance pill made me better. I am still recuperating from what happened. Many thanks to my friends and family who comforted me and give me words of wisdom and for those who prayed for me.

Prayers can move mountains. In my case, I thought I can never easily stand up from this breakup but I did. Mind you, it is not easy. Being fine everyday is a battle. Through all this, I bear in mind what Eleanor Powell said: "What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." I woke with the realization that grieving over the relationship won't help me become a better person and it can cause me my happiness. And that is not glorifying God. I sent my best friend, Lorraine, a message over Facebook when I had my "aha!" moment. I told her that I have to win over this breakup and depression for Him. He has to know that his little girl understands that he's pruning me and in whatever I do I should glorify Him. So move on and glorify Him that's what I do nowadays. I've been working out and running to keep fit, eat regularly and keep praying. The pain overwhelms me sometimes but pain and acceptance is a part of the recovery. It's a long shot but one must traverse this road.

To be continued...


Monday, September 14, 2009

JAL News

Japan Hot Stocks-Daikin, Japan Airlines, Toyota, exporters, NEC

Source: Reuters (Yahoo News)

TOKYO, Sept 15 - The benchmark Nikkei average <.N225> was flat, while the broader Topix <.TOPX> fell 0.1 percent on Tuesday.


The following stocks were on the move: **DAIKIN <6367.t> JUMPS ON FLU REMOVAL TECHNOLOGY**

Daikin Industries Ltd jumped 8.5 percent to 3,460 yen after the world's No.2 air conditioner maker said it would this month start selling an air purifier that it claims can break down the H1N1 flu virus completely.

The cleaner releases high-speed plasma electrons, which break down viruses and bacteria to nitrogen, oxygen and water. Daikin said its new model is 1.5 times more powerful than its previous models, Daikin said.

Rivals Sharp Corp <6753.t> and Sanyo Electric Co use similar technology for their cleaners. Daikin will unveil the new product at 2:30 p.m. on Tuesday. 0200 GMT **JAL <9205.t> FALLS AFTER RALLY ON NEWS OF US AIRLINES TALKS**

Japan Airlines , which surged 8 percent on Monday following news that the struggling airline was in talks on investment by American Airlines and Delta Airlines , slipped 1.7 percent to 173 yen.

Air France-KLM is in talks with JAL to form an alliance, a source familiar with the matter said, while Japanese media said JAL plans to cut overseas flights and increase personnel cuts over the next three years. [ID:nT194467] 0116 GMT **EXPORTERS GAIN GROUND AFTER SHARP FALL, YEN ADVANCE HALTS**

Note: The rest of the article was omitted by the blogger. But if you want to read the article in full detail here's the link: http://asia.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20090915/tbs-markets-japan-stocks-hot-9a48464.html

Well I guess this is the reason why they're manpooling with no definite schedule for interviews. It's sad news for me. I wanted to get in Japan Airlines. But I remain hopeful. 

Cabin Crew for UK

10 CABIN CREW
United Kingdom
Expires on: Oct 3, 2009

Agency Information
Agency Name: JAPAN MARUKO INTERNATIONAL CORPORATION
POEA License No.: POEA-049-LB-030507-R
Address: Unit 3 & 4, 153 San Francisco St. Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila
Tel. No.: 5329264 / 5327371
 View Complete Agency Profile | Other Jobs From This Agency 

Qualifications
Gender: Male/Female 
Age: 23 - 40 years old 
Education: at least Bachelor's / College Degree 
Experience: 2 year(s)
Note: I got this from Workabroad POEA site. Here's the link: http://www.workabroad.ph/report_job_listing.php?ajid=277277
I was updating my resume on that site when I happened to bump into this info. But you need two years experience. So I'm ooooout. But for those who are interested you may call them up. See details above. 

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Turning Japanese


Living a bum's life can cook up ginormous amounts on your imagination on what to do next. I've been itching on where to go, what to do, who to meet, where to chill. It drives me nuts! Idle is really not me despite the fact I love lazing around. So I went back to my drawing board on why I came home in the first place and started getting my act together. I prepared all my requirements for the TESDA. I want to take up Japanese lessons so I have to get everything done ASAP or else I'm not gonna have a slot. TESDA admits only 25 students for the language program. And to get a head start I've been busy listening to my Ipod with the English - Japanese translations. I discovered that you can buy foreign language CDs in National Bookstore. Just check the nearest National Bookstore outlet near you. The CDs come with an insert. But you may also buy other materials there too from  Japanese dictionaries and translation books that cost P165 and above. There are instructional materials too for French, Spanish, Italian, Dutch and German. 

And hey, when you learn something new you delay the degeneration of your brain cells. Let's show our brain cells some love and learn a new language! Sayoonara

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Long Distance Relationship

My friend, Cheng, buzzed me on YM last night. She asked me how my boyfriend and I manage the  long distance relationship (LDR). My boyfriend is staying in Cebu while I'm back to lil' ol' Iloilo. He's busy with his studies and internship while I'm back here preparing for my future career- that involves straightening my teeth, learning a language, etc. It's really painful to leave the one you love behind but I must. I left my job so I can concentrate in getting ready for my dream job. It was really a complete 360 twist but then again I'm happy that I made that decision. I was excited to go home but I couldn't help but feel sad to leave my baby behind. You could only imagine the tears we spilled as I aboarded the boat. 

I told Cheng that we keep our communication lines open. We talk and text everyday so that we'll know what's going on with each others lives. And it's preceded with the thought that we understand eac other's goals in life. Hey, being a girlfriend of a Med Student is not easy. Since I know that's it going to take him a while before he finishes everything, I decided to go with my dreams as he is going for his.

And for those who are in LDRs here 's a tips I found from Wikipedia. It may not be that 100% fool proof but I do find them helpful. Here's the link: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)as well defining exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?" or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?". Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need. (personal note: my boyfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for two years already so I guess this is not a question- exclusive it is.)

2. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. (personal note: we would usually discuss books we read and it's nice to know each other's perception. It's always refreshing.)

3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted! (personal note: check!)

4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together. (personal note: it's true in our case)

5. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond. (personal note: we call each each other before he reached the hospital and from the hospital to their house)

6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work. (personal note: I believe that when you're meant to be, you will be)

7. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain. (personal note: we do this all the time. Like how will our house look like, how many kids, where will he have our house)

8. Remember: things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope. (personal note: I'm crossing my fingers!)

9. Visit often Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive.  (personal note: true. despite the communication physical presence is still very important. Let's all admit. We love to cuddle and hug our significant other)

10. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, your lives won't pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves. (personal note: this is well said)

11. Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive point is that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too. (personal note: in my case I need to focus on my career)

12. Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, where they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you. This will provide comfort, happiness, and the thought of being with you. (personal note: I gave the boyfie my pillow and he gave me his shirt)

13. Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. But don't forget to ask some questions because if you don't , your partner may start to think that you're losing interest.  (personal note: Yes, there should be that agreement between the both of you.)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Memoirs

with Jen and Libz watching the Philharmagic Orchestra with our 3D lenses. 
with Libz along Nathan Road, HK

waiting for the fireworks display at Sleeping Beauty's castle
As I went through Libz's multiply site I grabbed her copies of our Hong Kong trip last February. Good thing she had posted all the photos because I accidentally formatted my camera while we waited for the fireworks display outside Sleeping Beauty's Castle (a "DUH" moment for me). Since I resigned I looked back at the friends I made and Libz and Jen are my BFFs. I laughed at the photos we took and I recall the kindness, support and help that they have always extended for me. There were highs and lows, which are inevitable, that made us better individuals and closer friends. Kudos to these wonderful people! I miss you guys!